few months ago, i told myself that this is it. maybe i dont need a boyfie, maybe i dont want one. there’s no single person who can impress me, so finally i would say “yes”. besides, who needs another complication that relationship could brought. i dont like that kind of mellow-dramatic and fully-emotional or “menye2” (so they called) things anymore. i’m quite satisfied with my situation back then. or so i thought maybe.
while now, here i am. with boyfriend. and unexpectedly happy.. (yeah, i’m happy!). it’s not that kind of ‘i wanna marry him’-happy, but it’s enough to give a lil bit new taste to my messy yet colourful world i guess. this little master has a smile that i like so much. a quite person. its like he never even say a single word unless he told me not to eat supermie and sambal (which i’d never be agree!).
he’s not the kind of social-butterfly guy i used to date. cute. not-too-humourous. glassess. can’t play guitar and not a minangnese. but yes, he’s an aries. yes, not quite my type. i know.
but he makes me happy 🙂 (at least for now).
(i really wanna say this, cause no matter what the lack of capability he has, he truly makes me happy)
well, what i’m tryin to say is… this is what i always do. being inconsistent with my own words. i know sometimes i’m doing it for my own good, but its just show how irresponsible i am with my own determination. and the next thing, i also realize that most of the time i decide many things pushed by some condition of my own which i’m not willing to change. i found myself for being too greedy.
first, i choose to stay single cause its more fun that way. i can be with anyone, anytime. not bind by invisible-tight-string called ‘relationship’. no stupid emotional stuff included. second, i also want stability. sometimes i’m tired of hoppin from one to another. trying to understand them all. mix and match their interest with mine, for the sake to have all-fun-and-always-happy interaction with them. worst, when they too attach to my life while i was like, ‘err i thought we doin it for fun’ — because i don’t like them that much, of course. and the most selfish side of me, is while i want to be spoiled by someone continously, i dont wanna settle down. i have these sick question running through my head..
what if i can’t let go the chance to have fun?
what if i can’t hold back my bad side?
what if there’a no single person who can satisfy me?
i kept think about them for weeks yet doing nothing bout it. yeah, useless.
but here i am now. with a boyfriend, whos quite far from my ideal type. bound in a tight-invisible-string of relationship. and surprisingly happy, enjoy it.
so, there’s nothing wrong for being inconsistent. this is life, and all of it is mystery till the end of the journey. we just have to learn to compromise with anything that may happen. it’s okay for being consistently inconsistent.. at least for few things and current time being 🙂
ps: sorry for the bad grammar and spelling. typo sometimes.